Lately I have been on this huge Gabby Bernstein kick. She is a spiritual life coach and her teachings have got me through some rough times. A lot of people when they meet me think of me as someone who is super bubbly and outgoing, and thats awesome. I am glad I give off that vibe. However, I am not always congruent with show whats actually happening for me on the inside. I have a lot of insecurities and I think I have always had them as far back as I can remember, I just used to use substances to quiet the negative voices and push that part of me down.
The great thing about getting sober is you get all your emotions back. The bad thing about getting sober is you get all your emotions back… When I sobered up all these negative insecurities started coming to the forefront and it was super overwhelming. I actually had to deal with them for once. I am over two years sober and believe it or not I am still dealing with them. The easier part of sobering up is actually not picking up drugs or alcohol, the harder part of sobering up is having to change all those learned behaviours that come with addiction. I am still struggling with this today. I had been so mean to myself, my inner critic was terrible. She would always tell me that I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, good enough. Those are things I would constantly say to myself on a daily basis.
I would always compare myself to other people and want to be as pretty as them or make as much money as them. I was never okay with just being myself and sitting in my own skin. I would start to believe the things I would say to myself because over time I just adapted the behaviour of being harsh and not respecting who I was. I have been listening to a few of Gabby Bernstein’s audio books and I am realizing how important it is to say positive things to yourself. I struggle with the feeling of not being enough, so on a daily basis I tell myself I am enough. Although I may not believe it yet, as Gabby Bernstein says its like a muscle you have to continuously build. Its just like going to the gym, you may not see results in the first few days but around 30 days you will start to see some changes if you stick with it, and the same goes for this. Self love is so important and its something I am having to continuously remind myself to do, because if I don’t love myself how is anyone else suppose to?