Your Not Alone
Have you ever just sat alone in your room wondering who you are and what the heck you are doing in this crazy world? What’s the point of trying so hard when nothing seems to be coming of it? What’s the point of living when there seems to be so much pain? Feeling like you are just existing in this world, but no one seems to see who you really are? If you have, you’re not alone. I have experienced all these feelings and more. But there is a way out of this mindset!
When I came out of rehab I may have been sober from drugs and alcohol but I had a loss of self. What’s my purpose in this world? What am I good at? There is nothing unique about me. I am just a woman who is broken and has nothing to offer. These were some of the things I thought about. Guess what though? That was also me being selfish in a very negative way. Think about it, one of the bigger mistakes we can make is to undervalue our worth and who we are as human beings. We are our own brand of special and unique. When you believe that, and act on the confidence that comes with that, others will see it too.
By me feeding into my pity party and being in the mindset of “woe is me”, I was robbing me of better experiences and those around me who share my experiences. You see, it doesn’t matter where you are in social status. Whether you are rich or poor, have a doctorate degree or are a high school dropout. If your famous or you’re a loner, we are all people, we are all human. We all crave connection and love. We all go through heartbreak, loss, and pain. The world can seem scary but it’s as scary as we make it. We are all spiritual beings having a human experience, not the other way around. We are all connected in some way.
Whenever I feel alone it’s because I have isolated myself, and have got into the mind set of “no one will understand what I am going through and no one will care”. That couldn’t be further from the truth. We need each other in some way. Someone out there may be in your same shoes and thinking the exact same thing… if both parties were more vocal about it then they would be able to help one another just by their understanding and offering support. WOW! It really does work like that.
Such a simple solution to such a common problem. So, why doesn’t this happen more? It’s scary to put yourself out there and be vulnerable, because some people think it’s a weakness to ask for help. I used to be one of these people. Now I realize it’s actually a strength to be able to admit when you need help. A huge part of being able to ask for help, is being comfortable owning your story and who you are as a person. These are the three tools I used to turn my weakness into my strength.
Step 1: Praying
I wake up every morning and I pray. I didn’t grow up religious but I have always been a spiritual person. If you are someone who struggles with the word God then just pray to the universe. You may not even know who you are praying to, but if you do this every day you will start to see changes happen in your life. If you aren’t sure what to pray for, ask for guidance, ask for a sign. The universe will give you signs, you just need to be willing to ask.
Step 2: Meditation
I’ve said it before, me meditating is the equivalent to trying to get a squirrel to stay still. Making a commitment to do this every morning was a challenge for me. I started out with 2 minutes, and now I have worked up to 10 minutes every morning. If your someone like me, who’s mind doesn’t stop racing, I suggest listening to a guided meditation on YouTube. Anything that resonates with you. This is your time alone with yourself.
Step 3: Writing
I write three pages a day. It doesn’t matter whether it is in the morning or evening, but just get up and free write. I sometimes write in the evening, debriefing my day and all the emotions and feelings I went through. I will sometimes write in the morning about what kind of dreams I had. My favorite type of writing though, is when I free write how I want my life to look. I let my imagination go wild and write down everything I want to achieve. Let yourself feel the happiness and excitement in that. Writing has been a great outlet for expressing myself and getting rid of some blocks I have had in my way.
When I started doing these three things, I began to have a better relationship with myself. I started to discover more of who I was and what my values and goals used to be. I began to get more comfortable in my own skin and I started to love myself. I began to feel compassion and understanding for who I was. The shame and victim stance I had taken in the past began to disappear as I realized more of my worth and value. The parts of myself I used to be ashamed of I began to love, I started to love all the parts of myself. By owning who I was, I didn’t feel awkward or embarrassed to ask for help in the areas I struggled with. I think there is something so courageous about asking for help and wanting to grow and become an even stronger human being.
If your someone who struggles with any of the things, just know you are not alone, and the world needs you and your unique story! Trust yourself and trust your journey.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
~ Mark Twain